Hilarious CV Ever Written. Would You Hire This Job Seeker?

A CV is your way of getting yourself noticed by potential employers. With that it should be concise, accurate, engaging and thorough. This particular job seeker decided to include everything he has ever done in his life; even those not work related. He even had specifications of the type of boss he wants.

Here is part of the CV:

Objectives:

• To acquire a position within the entertainment industry that would utilize my vast (2 years) technical experience. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

Reasons for leaving the last job:

• Terminated after saying, “It would be a blessing to be fired.”
• Responsibility makes me nervous. I did not give the company my full effort and received no chance of advancement in return.
• My last employer insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.

Job responsibilities:

• Responsibilities included checking customers out.
• Overlooked all areas to ensure an overwhelming success.
• Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.

Interests: Running, editing video, cooking, writing and wondering.

Education:

While I’ve never quite gotten a degree, I am quite close to several.
Qualifications:

• I am the most talented employee my company has ever had.
• I am able to say the ABCs backwards in less than five seconds.
• I am a perfectionist and rarely if I ever forget details.
• I continually receive complaints on the high quality of work I perform.
• I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
• I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my CV on my office voice mail.
• I have become completely fearful, trusting completely no one and nothing.

Special Requests:

• Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.
• I want a boss of average height, not too tall, though not strangely small (though I guess I could get used to just about anything given time).
• I prefer setting my own pace. When things get slack I like the right to walk out and get a haircut during working hours.

Additional Information:

• I am anxious to spread my wings in new directions and soar to new heights.
• I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.
• Let’s meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.

Do you think this job seeker got the job?

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