How To Disagree Respectfully At Work

Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a world where we agree on everything that matters? Or to work in a conflict-free environment where everyone feels heard and every idea is good? Unfortunately, that’s not the way the world or the workplace works.

Whether you disagree with your coworker in the next cubicle or your boss at a meeting, disagreements should be done in a respectful, polite, and constructive manner. Here are some tips for how to disagree respectfully with a coworker but maintain a positive working relationship while getting your point across.

1. Pick Your Battles

Is the disagreement necessary? If you disagree about everything, your coworkers will see you as argumentative and disagreeable. You’ll develop the reputation for always disagreeing, and your reasonable disagreement will be viewed as the same old, same old. So, pick areas that affect outcomes and that are substantial, meaningful, and important when you pursue disagreement.

2. Keep Your Disagreements Impersonal

To disagree respectfully at work, it’s important to remember that you’re not disagreeing with your coworker because there is something wrong with them or you don’t like them. Instead, you’re disagreeing based on facts, experience, intuition, prior team successes and failures, your coworkers’ track record on similar projects, and your organization’s culture.

3. Listen to Your Coworker

Identify the components with which you agree and acknowledge that you can understand or see why she might feel the way she does. Open your disagreement by repeating what the other party said rather than launching into your areas of disagreement first. Help the person feel as if he was listened to, heard out, and understood.

4. Stay calm

It’s just business — but that doesn’t mean that workplace disagreements don’t often feel personal. If it’s a topic that you feel particularly passionate about (or a colleague you have a history of disagreements with), avoid bringing up your concerns in public. You may have an easier time (and be less likely to trigger pushback) if you schedule a time to talk with them privately.

If you’re too upset to regulate your own feelings about it, take the time to write out your concerns beforehand.

5. Reserve judgment

If your intentions are clear and you know why you’re disagreeing, you’re less likely to come across as judgmental or harsh. There are disagreements about ideas, and then there are disagreements between people. You don’t want to come off as if you’re attacking the person behind the idea.

One way to avoid this is to be mindful of the words you choose. Try not to use terms like “stupid,” “rushed,” or “silly.” Adjectives like these can be easily taken the wrong way.

6. See Other Points of View

If you identify what is at stake in the issue, the problem solving, the recommendation, or the project, you are more likely to connect with your coworker to disagree successfully. Ask questions like these:

• What’s your real concern about the project?
• What’s bothering you about this current solution?
• What has to occur for you to comfortably support a solution?

7. Stay Professional

Be respectful of your coworkers. Disagreement can be cordial yet candid and effective. You can have a disagreement with coworkers without making them feel like what they value or think is wrong. Avoid being judgmental. Showing disrespect for a colleague’s ideas or position is inappropriate anywhere but especially at work. Making fun of them is even worse.

Finally,

Compromise when necessary, you may not agree on everything, but don’t let that fact keep you from reaching a general agreement on a direction or a solution. In an organization, you can’t freeze in place and do nothing just because you haven’t found a perfect solution that all parties own. You will need to agree to disagree on aspects of the solution or problem-solving.

Learn how you can better manage your emotions at work and improve your professional relationships by signing up for this Emotional Intelligence Master Class today!